Royally trashed
by Amako-sama
Summary: Later, they would call it The Last Judgment, Or The Night Everyone Finally Stopped Believing Konoha 11 Was Anything Else Than A Bunch Of 5-Year-Olds. (it's Sasuke's bachelor party, everyone is drunk and the groom goes missing. Sakura is not pleased.) Slight ShikaSaku.


I had the idea on tumblr (what's new) and couldn't get it out of my head. I wrote this instead of sleeping, yes.

You have blanket permission for everything, as long as you credit and notify me about your work. Also, I'm not a native speaker, so bear with me.

* * *

Call it genetics. Call it the perk of being Tsunade-shishou's student. Call it blatant stupidity from people who didn't really know her. But whoever told you that Sakura Haruno couldn't hold her liquor was a moron.

Well, it was more a case of being perfectly capable of looking like she had been drinking litchi juice for the past four hours. Details.

If the pile of glasses on the table was to be accounted for, she had been through _at least_ two bottles. Of what, that was a good question. _Details_.

Ino was attractively snoring, her pretty blond head on Sakura's thighs.

(yes, attractive snoring was a thing when your name was Ino Fucking Yamanaka.)

Naruto was... somewhere in the bar, but she could hear his cheerful laughter from here. The last time she had spotted Lee, he had been with her best friend, so she wasn't worried about him.

As unsettling —and quite possibly terrifying— as the sight was, Neji was dancing with a pretty girl she had never seen before. She didn't hold herself like a civilian and she seemed a bit younger than all of them. She definitely wasn't a part of Konoha 11. But still, cute.

Tenten was quietly murdering the girl in her mind from their booth and Kiba had been content to pour glass after glass to the weapon master. Shino hadn't said a word since Hinata had fallen asleep on his shoulder, a good two hours ago. It was quite possibly the sweetest thing Sakura had ever seen and her killing intent had prevented anyone from disturbing the peaceful halo around the two ninjas.

Ino made a soft noise and she stared at her friend, trying to make sense of the world. How had she ended up in her lap? It had involved Chōji, she was sure of it. But how? She frowned slightly and watched the room carefully, looking for the Akimichi heir.

As she was slowly forgetting why she was looking for him in the first place, someone all but crashed on the bench next to her. She didn't even bother jumping in surprise. Tonight was Sasuke's bachelor party, nothing could surprise her anymore.

When nothing moved at her side, she tried to check if whoever that was had just died on her —because that would be just rude, mind you, she was off-duty and her other best friend was getting married, she was allowed some time off to get drunk off her ass even if no-one was supposed to notice that, she had made sure of it after-

"Sakura."

At least it wasn't dead.

"Hey, Sakura," he insisted, tugging at her sleeve.

"What?"

"We lost Sasuke."

"You did what."

"Look, it's all Chōji's fault okay. Why do I have to explain myself to you? So-"

"-troublesome, yeah, I know. Can we get back to the losing the groom part?" They were so dead. Or they would be. Tomorrow. Today. In the morning. Details.

"Please don't get mad," he sighted.

"I can't, I have a lap full of your teammate and I don't want to wake Hinata up."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Now, about Sasuke."

"He just vanished. We were trying to track Akamaru down when Ebisu jumped out of the bushes and started ranting about Kakashi and Genma and the locker-room."

"Stop right there, Shikamaru," she said calmly, raising her hand. Then she cupped it around her mouth and yelled as loud as she could. "NARUTO!"

Several things happened at once. Hinata woke up with a yelp, startling Shino who fell on Kiba. The Inuzuka heir knocked the sake bottle over, which spilled on Tenten. The woman was already homicidal and the kunai in her shaking hand went flying straight to the poor girl's head. Neji pushed her behind him to protect her, but Lee was even faster and pushed Neji, who tumbled on the girl and sent them both on the ground. Lee kicked the kunai away and the weapon embedded in the wall, cutting a lock of Naruto's hair in the process.

The bar was suddenly very, very quiet. Ino slowly raised her sleepy form from Sakura's thighs and hid behind Shikamaru. The strongest kunoichi of her generation didn't need more to get up and start walking in her best friend's direction.

"Yes, Sakura-chan?"

"Do you know what dear, sweet Shikamaru-kun just told me?" she said as she came to a halt before him.

"I'm sure I'll know very soon."

"Don't try to outsmart me, it doesn't suit you."

"Hey, that's just mean-"

"Shut up."

"Yes, Sakura-chan."

"Shikamaru-kun kindly informed me that he and his moronic best friend just lost the FUCKING GROOM!"

"D-did they?"

"Why don't you sound surprise at all?"

"Ahaha, it's funny you see, because-"

Sakura never heard the end of his sentence. A loud thud echoed in the bar and she fell in Shikamaru's arms. Ino quickly hid the bamboo sake set she had just used to knock Sakura out.

"I'll get her home. Find Sasuke. Last seen at the Academy, with Ibiki and my dad. Don't ask. Just hurry. His wedding is in six hours."

Naruto nodded and left the bar, promptly followed by the rest of the Konoha 11. Since they could do nothing like everyone else, the bachelor's party was as much for the groom as for the bride.

The bar was basically filled with all the wedding guests. And a good three-fourths of them were ninjas. Sasuke would be found. He hoped. Until then, he had a pink-haired nightmare to carry home. And just as he expected, she was already waking up. Freakish medic-nin.

He quickly left the bar and made his way to her apartment, close to the village's gates. He didn't notice her opening her eyes and examining him with an appreciative smile. He did notice, however, the sly hand she sneaked under his shirt.

"SHIT! What the fuck, Shikamaru?"

Okay, maybe dropping her wasn't the best reaction.

"Sorry," he winced, offering his hand so she could get up. "But I should be the one saying that."

"Okay, first, have you seen yourself in a mirror lately? Second, why is my head hurting like that?"

"Ino hit you with a bamboo sake set," he replied, carefully ignoring the first part of the sentence.

"She did, didn't she? The bitch. Watch if I help her next time Jiraya-sama asks to do her annual medical check."

"He does that?" he regretted the question as soon as it left his mouth. Of course he would.

"Of course he does."

He snorted. She eyed him with a frown, before joining his quiet laughter. Somewhere, not far away, she could hear the cry of pain that one's made when their dignity had been effectively crushed. She suspected Sasuke had been found. She couldn't wait to hear about that.

"Walk me home?" she asked, almost a whisper.

"Sure."

There was a good number of things he could have said instead. But none of them seemed to fit between them. They walked peacefully, eyes staring at the stars, trusting their senses to do the work and keep them standing. Shikamaru felt slightly buzzed, but from what he could remember, Sakura was way worse than him. He had no idea how she was even up and walking. She was probably concussed too. Oh well, she was the medic after all.

"Damn right I am."

"Are you a mind reader?"

"Nope. I'm just drunk off my ass."

"You're-"

"-royally trashed, yes. I hear it happens a lot when your best friend gets married."

"How do you even make sense."

"I do, believe me. You're just used to our personal brand of crazy and now that I finally sound normal, you don't know how to react."

"So you're not a sad-drunk, or an angry-drunk. You're a terrifying-drunk."

She laughed, and that time, it echoed through the night. He smiled, content to just stand there beneath the stars, with the strongest and scariest kunoichi of their generation. The moment was shattered like Tsunade's training ground when a roar bursted from a nearby alley.

"NARA! I'm going to rip you apart and your mother will never find the pieces!"

"Sasuke-dobe, wait up!"

Sakura watched with interest as Shikamaru's tanned complexion took an interesting green tone. He looked at her like she was the answer to the division by zero.

"Sakura, if you get me out of this, I swear I'll do everything. You can have my firstborn, I don't care. Just save me."

"Don't worry about that. We'll be raising that child together."

If her smile was downright the most horrifying thing he had ever seen, the mischievous look in her eyes drew a smile on his face. Oh, she was so on.

"I believe we're close to your apartment?"


End file.
